Abu Hamza Demands His Own Toilet in Prison Cell!
20th August 2006

Hamza's demands for special treatment in prison based on his islamic religion have just gone too far says one prison officer. His most recent request is for his own en suite toilet in his cell... Full Story

Sheikh Abu Hamza Wins Chance to Appeal!
28th July 2006

Free Abu! Sheikh Abu Hamza has won the right to appeal his convictions for incitement to murder and race-hate offences. Hamza's lawers claim his trial was unfair and hope to get his conviction overturned.

What does this mean? It basically means Hamza could be released from prison without any charge - he may even move in to a house near YOU.

Hamza claims his conviction was politically motivated and was a knee jerk reaction to the July 7th bombings in London.

Hamza accepts that he will remain on the sex offenders register.

Hamza: Lethal Left Hook.
26th July 2006

Hamza has had his prison priviliges reduced - for threatening to punch a prison officer with his STUMPS.

The muslim terror fanatic was spitting with anger after his BEARD was searched in a routine security check. He took the search as an insult to his religion (muslim) and flew at guards with the threat of punching them with his stump.

Hamza is only allowed to wear his hook in his cell and refuses to wear the expensive false hand made for him.

Sheikh Abu Hamza Lied His Way To The UK
30th May 2006

It has now been revealed that Sheikh Abu Hamza lied about fathering a child to a British woman so he would be allowed to stay in UK. It was back in 1980 when the chubby cleric first arrived in the UK, it was a day all of us should remember well.

His first wife was Valerie Traverso who was already pregnant when she FELL IN LOVE WITH HAMZA. But when Hamza was asked to leave the country, he falsly claimed that his wifes daughter was his SON. Since then he has been allowed to stay in the UK indefinitely.

Militant Diet Regime for Hamza
14th March 2006

Sexy Sheikh Hamza has begun a strict weight loss programme in Jail. Swapping his usual halal meat for prison food has resulted in extreme weightloss. Sheikh Abu Hamza has reportedly been boasting about his six pack, rock hard pecks and permanantly erect penis.

It is also rumoured that his foreskin has grown back.

Hamza's Son Is A Rapper
28th February 2006

Mostafa Hamza, the son of our fave hook handed hate preacher, has launched his career as a gangster Rapper.

Mostafa has the same fanatical views as his father and raps about making bombs to use againts Brits. The rapper currently lives off the benefit system and says each of his 12 children are disabled because they each inherited his fathers Hook hand.

When Hamza senior is released from prison they plan on releasing an album together.

Hamza Kidnap Connection
13th February 2006

It is rumoured that Sheikh Abu Hamza has possible connections with a range of KIDNAPINGS of British Citizens in Yemen in 1998. It is beleived that he would charge £40 + VAT per kidnapp (T&C's apply), he may have also offered a 'Family Deal' which involved the Kidnaping of Kids for free. Both P&O and Thomson holidays have since copied Hamza's Kids Go Free idea.

Hamza 'Sold his £250,000 Home'
11th February 2006

Whilst locked up in belmarsh prison in 2004, his hammersmith mansion was sold for around £228,000. He now claims he has no means to fund his defence in court but is rumoured to have a number of different bank accounts. Some of his bank accounts have been frozen under orders from the UN, don't you hate it when that happens?

The lucky buyer of his house is likely to convert it into a shrine to Hamza and charge £3.95 to visitors. The owner will qualify for various Government grants to help maintain the property.